-Here's to you, Alvo. -Cheers.
ALVO: Out of the way, boys.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH)
-What's all that about? -Mind your own business.
Alvo, if you die before us, can we have your villa?
It's already yours, man. Seriously, I put it in all your names.
Dominic said we were good. I'm not having it! (SPITS)
WOODY: We've got to get out of here!
BAXER: I think this, right now,
is the start of a whole new life. For all of us.
I put the money in the back of the car.
-They've come after us. -Who have?
Whoever that money belongs to.
Right. We need to find somewhere to hide the money.
-Shove it up her. -You can't do that. It's disrespectful.
We're all going straight to hell.
Get in the car.
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
-Who are you? -I'm the man whose money you took.
RICK: Tell us exactly what he said.
All right. If we don't give him three million... Boom!
-RICK: Have you tried Hector? -Yes.
Well, try him again! Go! Get off your arse! Phone him again!
I reckon we should split up and head off.
Every man for himself.
Guys! I think there's something going on out there.
There. Someone is signalling.
(SCREAMING)
Hector! (GASPING)
Why would they kill him?
Don't know. I mean, we're the ones who took it.
Well, Baxter's the one who took it.
Oh, just blame me, Rick, why don't you?
Well, you took it, Bax. I mean, I said, didn't I?
I said, "This is nuts. I don't want anything to do with it."
You know, I would hate to be stuck in the trenches with you, Rick.
You are stuck in the trenches with him.
All that guy did was change money for us.
Who would kill him for that?
He walks among us.
-Don't look so worried, Alvo. -No, I'm not. I'm just...
Not quite sure what I'm doing here, that's all.
Thought we should have a chat.
This is, um...
This is where it all happened, is it?
-Surprised? -I don't know.
Just expected something different.
You know what really fucks me off?
Aubergines. Every year, I try.
It must be the soil. Too much acid or something.
You know about that, then.
(CHUCKLING) No, I just...
Just thought that's what you're supposed to say.
Don't be a people-pleaser, Alvo. It makes you look a creep.
Don't have strong feelings about vegetables, really.
Oh, you should. You're at that age.
Surprisingly captivating, agriculture.
Not really ready to watch my garden grow just yet.
Hoping you would say that.
Do you ever have one of those days when you get up,
Iook at everything you've got, and then you panic
'cause you've got no safety net if everything goes tits up?
It won't. I've been careful.
I've got a business proposition.
-No, I'm... I'm about to retire. -And do what?
-Enjoy life. -Oh, don't be so soft.
Give it a year, and you'll be a fat, dribbling pisshead.
Hanging out in expat pubs,
boring everybody witless about how you used to do this,
and drive one of those.
Things change as you get older, Alvo.
Different things take precedent.
They say, "When a man reaches 50,
"he should never pass over the opportunity to use the bathroom."
-Duly noted. -Mmm.
You're gonna come in as a partner to me in a little business venture.
But I'm not interested. I'm happy as I am.
But you're not.
-I am. -No, you're not.
-I am. -You're fucking not.
-You're not happy, Alvo. -I am.
I'm happy. I'm really, really happy.
No, you are not! You're miserable!
I can see by the way you dress, by the way you stand.
You're only one personal crisis away from becoming a Scientologist!
I am really, really happy. I am fucking delirious.
Yeah, well, say you are.
You've got your whole life ahead of you.
And someone like you needs stimulation.
And I'm not talking about some senorita sucking your cock.
I'm talking about male ego.
Our need to achieve, to conquer.
-To break things... -Let's just leave it there, shall we?
Sooner or later, you're gonna be asking yourself
why you've got five fucking bedrooms and you can't sleep.
You need a purpose, Alvo.
(CHUCKLING) Christ! What can I say to you to...
There's a club in Ibiza owned by a pair of snarky bastards
who nicked a ton of weed from me seven years ago.
You... You're not serious?
See how they like it done to them.
-No. -But it's an easy,
-lucrative... -But why bother?
You've got enough money, haven't you?
It's not about money.
I am man enough to admit that I have a resentment,
and it's affecting my equilibrium.
I've waited seven years for this.
Hmm?
Come on. Come on.
-All right, Dominic. -Alvo.
Get us a beer, Dom.
We've been talking about the Ibiza idea.
-Is he on board? -Er...
Don't think I'm quite cut out for it, actually.
Oh! Sounds like he's giving you the bum's rush.
Is he?
Cheeky monkey.
MARIA: Hola.
- (SPEAKING SPANISH) -Hello, Maria.
This is our friend, Alvo.
You're Alvo. I know all about you. You're famous.
Oh! Don't know about that.
MARIA: You are the man to see for buying land on the island.
Was. I'm getting out of the game now.
Of course, he's had a little help along the way.
-How's that now? -You had help.
Don't think so.
Dominic hasn't thrown you the odd bone then?
He'd tip me the nod once or twice.
Nice one, Alvo.
So what are you saying? That I owe you?
You don't seriously think that everything you have here, Alvo,
is all down to you, do you?
It is very easy. We will call you
-and ask you to collect a boat. -Nah. No.
You sail the boat to an agreed location,
and somebody will come and meet you, and then you take the boat back.
No, I can't... I can't risk it. My whole life is on the island now.
A home, you know, investments, belongings.
If I get in trouble with the police, then I risk losing the lot.
You will not get into trouble with the police.
-Well, you don't know that. - (CHUCKLING)
MARIA: So...
You don't need to worry. You will be protected.
-Pay you up-front. -No, this is... This isn't me.
Look, I'll send you some cash up-front. 50,000 euros.
How many ways do I have to say it?
MACKENZIE: You don't want the job, you can still have the money.
-I don't want it. -I'll send it over by courier.
-I really don't want the money. -MARIA: What are you so scared of?
-Everything. -MARIA: You're scared of us?
Yes, I am.
-MARIA: Why? -Because...
Because I know it won't end there. Yeah? I do one job for you, and...
I think... I think it's best if I just leave. Yeah?
All right?
It's my fault. Yeah.
He said we should give it back to you and forget about it.
(SNIFFLING) He... He said,
"Once you shake hands with the devil..."
RICK: Yeah, well, I didn't shake hands with the devil.
He's the one who shook hands with the devil.
Now he's made us all shake hands with the devil,
even though we didn't want to shake hands with the devil.
You know what your problem is, don't you?
No. Why don't you tell me, Rick?
-You never admit it when you fuck up! - (MOBILE RINGING)
Are you for fucking real?
We could've been out of here two days ago, if it weren't for you.
-WOODY: What? And left Quinn behind? - (SPEAKING SPANISH)
We went back for him because he's our mate.
And that's what mates do. We look after one another.
Maybe you don't, Rick.
(CARMEN SPEAKING SPANISH)
Checking my mother's okay.
-Is she okay? -Yeah.
RICK: Come on. Come on, guys. We've had it.
Let's just turn ourselves in and let's just get it over with.
If we go to the police, Quinn and Woody are looking at 1 5 years.
Well, no, Woody might be okay. I mean, if you all got your stories straight.
(SIGHING) Still doing time, man.
Once you go away, that's it. Your life's over.
Everything I've clawed back over the last four years...
Gone. Girlfriend, house, forget it.
Let's put it this way.
If I get knocked down one more time,
I'm really not that sure whether I'll be able to get up again.
So...
We need to try and get the money then, don't we?
We got 1 6 hours to find 1 1 4,000 euros.
Okay. (RUBBING PALMS TOGETHER) So how are we gonna find it?
First, we need to find where Hector put the 25%.
So where would that be?
It would be in Hector's... house?
Well, if he was able to, he would have posted the message on a website,
telling you where it was in case anything happened.
Rick, what's the quickest way of getting money from the UK?
-Wire. Take a few hours. -Okay, how much can you get?
-Me? -QUINN: Get Nina to wire you something,
you must have some savings.
-I got a little bit. -Well, how much?
-That's kind of private. -Oh, for Christ's sake, Rick!
We're all about to get murdered. I don't think anybody here
is gonna judge you on what you've got in the bank.
Accessible, 25 grand.
-Is that all? -You fucking judging me?
No, you were just giving it a big one about how much fucking money you had.
In bonds and long-term accounts. I mean, that's all I can get quickly.
-What about you? -You serious?
-Well, Rachel, then. -Ask my ex-wife?
I don't fucking think so!
Matter of life or death, maybe.
-Yeah. You pay maintenance. -So?
So? So, you probably still got your joint accounts.
Eight grand. Ten, max.
What about you?
Um...
Bollocks! I must've left me krugerands in me other trousers.
Well, I've got about three in my current account
and maybe two in my savings.
Well, I told you things were bad.
BAXER: Woods?
Overdrawn. End of.
-What about Amy? -No.
-RICK: Why not? -I'm not dragging her into this.
Well, we dragged all ours in.
I fucked my life up. I'm not gonna fuck hers up.
-Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think... -I said, "No," Rick, okay?
Don't ask me again. And don't even mention her name. Got it?
-QUINN: Carmen, can you get anything? -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't worry, love. Baxter will pay you back, obviously.
I have 4,000.
And maybe I could borrow 2,000 from my mother.
(SIGHS)
I need you to wire me some money.
Yes, and it's my money too.
Hey, darling. How you doing?
Yeah. No, I know it's the middle of the night, yeah.
I don't know. Whatever's in there. There should be about 1 0.
-Yes, obviously there's a problem. -BAXER: You go to the Western Union
website and you can use your credit card.
I don't know. We're looking at a lot.
Rachel, you got every single fucking thing you wanted from me.
And the more you can make me suffer, the happier you are, right?
Just a bit of a problem. I just need you to send me some money. Not much.
BAXER: Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about. Okay, I'll tell ya.
-A bit more than that. -You love it
that things haven't worked out for me.
You turn my kids against me,
you make our friends take sides against me.
-And just when I was at my lowest... -More like 25 grand.
When my entire career folded around me,
-did you offer any help or support? -RICK: No, no, no, no, Nina.
No. You danced on my fucking grave!
It's that business thing. I told you about it earlier.
-You know, that thing for Baxter. -BAXER: Yes...
-Yeah, I've... -Fuck you and your knobhead boyfriend,
with his BMW and his Club Med and his Reeboks and his fucking tennis!
Come on, you know he's a good friend. No, he's not gonna...
-BAXER: Rachel. Rachel! -He's looking at me now. He's laughing.
-BAXER: It's the last thing I'll ask... -Yeah, no. He just needs it
for just a little...just a little thing. But just do it, will you?
-You'll never hear from me again. -RICK: I love you.
Do you understand? Yes.
Yes, so just wire me the fucking money.
Please.
- (SLAMS PHONE DOWN) - (EXHALES)
I'm sorry.
It's Hector. He told me where it is.
He posted a message before they killed him.
Where does that leave us?
62 grand shy.
Right. We hit the banks. First thing in the morning.
(BEEPING)
Okay, that puts it up to 2,000.
It's not too shabby, is it?
-All right, who's keeping the money? -Yeah, I'll take it.
Because I had a couple of drops of vino last night?
I'm keeping it. Most of it's mine anyway.
-I'm gonna go with Carmen. -Right.
We'll see you again, won't we?
What's that supposed to mean?
-Lot of money, Bax. -Enough for you two to swan off
and do a nice little runner.
Where do you think I'm gonna run to, Rick?
To my ex-wife, who seems to think I'm a drug addict?
The police, who want to arrest me,
or the psychopath that wants to fucking kill me?
Where do you think I should go?
Come on.
Gracias, Hector.
Okay.
(KNOCKING)
WOODY: Who is it? RICK: It's me.
Where's Bax?
All right.
Nina sent an extra three grand.
Not quite sure how to take that. So, did you get it?
Carmen borrowed three off her mum.
All right, so where are we at, then?
We are 54 shy.
Where the hell are we gonna get 54 grand from?
Do you want to tell him, Carmen?
The club where I work,
on a normal night, there is maybe 300,000 euros in the safe.
I know a way you could get in, take some money and get out.
Unseen.
You've all discussed this, have you?
QUINN: Well, we thought we'd have a secret ballot.
It's just a "yes" or a "no." Stick it in the bowl.
(PEN CLICKING)
Have we got a result?
We do.
We've run out of ideas, Rick.
Hmm.
So now we're gonna be robbers as well.
That's brilliant.
Just brilliant.
ALVO: Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Look at the state of you lot!
Not gonna be like this all day, are you?
All right.
Quick cheeky beer, and we'll be on our way.
Round the table, I want all your ambitions
for the next year. Don't think about it, just say it. Woody?
Day at a time, mate. Don't plan.
-ALVO: But you must have a goal. -No, that's not mine. Thank you.
-WAITER: Excuse me. -Well, there's a girl I've been seeing.
Yeah, so she's into you, is she?
She's into my potential.
Up to me not to do anything stupid and fuck it up.
ALVO: Quinn?
-Stay healthy, I suppose. - (SCOFFING)
Don't be such a nonce!
Where's the fire in your belly? Come on, you must want something.
-No, I like my life as it is. -ALVO: No, you don't.
You're staring into a bottomless pit of despair, mate.
-I'm perfectly happy, thank you. -ALVO: No, you're not. You're not happy.
You're miserable. I can tell by the way you dress, by the way you stand.
You're one personal crisis away from becoming a Scientologist.
Alv, you're serious about leaving us your villa?
-Yeah, why not? -We'd throw you over the cliff now then.
-You would, too. -QUINN: Too right.
-Yeah, I'd like to see you try it. -Don't fucking tempt me.
-What is your problem? -QUINN: You started it.
Having a go at my life. What the fuck do you know?
-ALVO: More than you ever will. -You got a lot of money, Alvo,
and your big watch. Well done, you.
-Nice. -Whoa, whoa, boys!
It's like being back at school.
Yeah, stop making cracks about me dying then, all right?
(KICKS CAGE)
In your life,
there's very few moments that really matter.
And the bastard is that
you don't realise that these are the moments, except in hindsight.
I got lucky, I think, 'cause I saw one of my moments coming.
I could've taken a huge chance and my whole life could have...
gone to the next level.
Or I could stick with what I've got.
RICK: You'd be mad to risk it, wouldn't you?
That's what I thought, basically.
(SIGHING) Which is why I...
stood up for myself.
Which is unlike you lot.
It don't help when he rams it down your neck, does it?
No.
Still, at least one of us cracked it.
Good luck to him.
We all made our choices, didn't we?
(RICK SIGHING)
Is it just me, or is it...
harder to change things when you get to our age?
You know, you can't just walk away from things any more.
No, you can't.
Christ knows I would like to sometimes.
Alv. Alv, where's the toilet?
It's just up there. Woody...
I'm serious about wanting to help you out.
-I'm fine. -No, no. No, you got no money, mate.
Nah, I'm used to it. Appreciate the thought, though.
Look, whenever I do a big deal, right,
here, I get a little "thank you" in cash.
-What, a backhander? -No, it's more like a tip.
People do it out here. It's just like the old brown envelope, you know.
Is that what that courier brought you?
Well, let's just say I've got some cash in the house.
And I'd like you to have it.
-No, mate... -It's a present, mate.
-It's just to get you on your feet. -Honestly, pal, I'm all right.
It's free fucking money, Woody. I don't want it, I've got enough.
And it's cash, so no one needs to know. It's just between the two of us, yeah?
What, keep it secret from the lads?
I don't know. Probably best, innit?
You're only as sick as your secrets.
What the fuck are you talking about?
It's what they teach you in recovery. Shouldn't keep secrets.
-They fuck you up. -What?
-Listen, man, thanks anyway. -No, Woods... Woody!
-Woody! - (CAR ALARM SOUNDING)
(WHISPERING) I bunged it in the safe.
(MOUTHING) Fifty grand is yours.
Ungrateful fucker!
I was just trying to do the right thing, Woody.
It's in the safe! There's money in the fucking safe.
What do you mean, "There's money in the fucking safe"?
You remember the courier that came out to Alvo's?
The guy with the envelope. There's money in the envelope.
Alvo's put it in the safe. That's what I can hear banging around in here.
-There's 50 fucking grand in here. -Hang on.
-How do you know all this? -I'll tell you in a bit.
-BAXER: Why can't you tell us now? -We tried a hundred ways
-to get that open. -Well, let's try a hundred more.
Come on.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Well, this is Manu. He can help us.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
He normally buys things,
fixes them, and then sells them.
You can trust him. Give me a moment.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(WHISTLES)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CHUCKLING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
There. It's our phones.
-Fucking hell. -Fifty grand.
-How did you know? -Alvo alluded to it.
Well, how come he alluded to you? He didn't allude to me.
-Did he allude to you? -All right, listen. We got three hours.
But we're four grand short.
QUINN: Carmen, I know you said
-he buys and sells things. -Yes.
Well, this watch is worth a bloody fortune.
Five grand, it's is.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
He says he'll give us 2,500.
-He's taking the piss. -No, four. Final offer.
-(SPEAKING SPANISH) -(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
He says 3,500, less 1 00 for opening the safe.
All right, do it.
BAXER: 600 short.
So we've got two hours to get the rest out of Mary.
QUINN: 600? Loose change compared to what we just cobbled together.
BAXER: Hey, hang on.
I've had an idea.
-Carmen, you can drive fast, yeah? -Yeah.
Who's the fastest runner out of us lot?
Well, it's got to be between you and Woody, innit?
Mmm... I don't know. I don't know. I'm pretty fast.
You're not as fast as me though, are you?
Oh... I think I probably was. Yeah.
No, I don't think you are any more, mate.
Well, I don't know. I think I probably still could beat you.
I think you're living in the past.
Tell you what? Why don't you two have a race,
we'll hang about until you sort it out, yeah?
Okay, you two go with Carmen, get the car, right? Woody, come with me.
Meet me outside the apartment across the road, right?
Keep the engine running. Be ready to leave, fast.
Here...
I'm a lot better at football than Bax.
Okay, stand there.
Just make out like you're talking to me.
(LAUGHTER)
Go on then.
I don't know what to talk about.
Oh, hang on.
No, don't look round.
-Okay, you know what you're doing, yeah? -Yeah.
-Ready? -Yeah.
WOODY: If someone gets hurt, so be it.
(GRUNTING)
BAXER: Go, go, go!
(TYRES SQUEALING)
-WOODY: How much, Rick? - (RICK MUTTERING) Er, 475.
QUINN: Blimey!
Who'd have thought that standing still could be so bloody lucrative?
-(COINS CLINKING) -Uh... 1 25 short.
Maybe there's a collection plate at the church.
What? For the needy, aren't they?
Hola.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-Hang on. - (SPEAKING SPANISH)
Gracias.
She said she prayed for us.
Ah! That's great.
Listen, she couldn't lend us the last 1 25, could she?
-Rick! -Rick.
Well, obviously we'll pay her back, when we've got it.
Uh...
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CONTINUES IN SPANISH)
WOODY: Gracias. RICK: Gracias.
-(SPEAKING SPANISH) -Mucho gracias.
Yeah, gracias very much. Come on!
BAXER: We've got it, we've got it!
(PRIEST SPEAKING SPANISH)
Bollocks! Where did this lot come from?
(CONTINUES IN SPANISH)
-How long have we got? -An hour.
-How long does it take to get there? -An hour.
(WHISPERS) Fuck! Shit! Sorry. Shouldn't swear in church, sorry.
Carmen...
Can you tell whether this is near the beginning
or the end of the ceremony?
It sounds like the middle.
But it's catolico, so it's normally a big middle.
Shit.
-Rick. -What?
BAXER: Quinn!
Sorry.
Very lucky man. She's gorgeous.
-I'll get the head. - (CONGREGATION MURMURING)
Momento... Momento... Momento...
Have a very happy life together, lovely.
-Go! Go! -Come on! Doors! Doors! Whoa!
Sorry.
Put her down. All right, get her on her back.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Get summat to jam it!
-They're coming! -Hurry up!
(GROANING)
The money's rammed in her tight.
CARMEN: Come on.
Right. Get her in the car.
(GRUNTING)
Jesus!
What should we do with her?
She's been good to us.
(CAR DRIVES OFF)
Come on, foot down, Carmen. Only twenty minutes to go.
(SIREN WAILING)
I don't believe it.
Ah, you've got to be fucking kidding me!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
What's that all about?
RICK: Jesus!
(CARMEN SPEAKING SPANISH)
(OFFICER SPEAKING SPANISH)
-Do you think he knows about Mary? -Oh, great!
As well as committing a crime, we've now offended a whole fucking religion.
-He's charging us. -With what?
QUINN: Murder? Assault? Fraud? Drugs? Take your pick.
With speeding.
-Right, so... -So, we pay the fine.
Now. 1 00 euros.
He's coming. (CLEARS THROAT)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
-So, do you have the 1 00 euros? -Yeah.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
CARMEN: Thank you. (SPEAKING SPANISH)
CARMEN: Gracias. Perdone.
Three fucking minutes. Jesus Christ!
Carmen, wait. Stay there.
-No. -Stay there!
-Please. I don't want you to get hurt. -Bax! Let's go!
Bax!
(LAUGHING)
Quinn!
-What are you laughing at? -Come on. Let's go.
-Let's go, come on. -(LAUGHING) This is ridiculous...
Quinn, let's go. Come on.
You cut that fine.
Is it all there?
(PANTING) Yes.
You're not going to die on me, are you? There are kids out there.
(PANTING) It's all there. You can check it if you want.
I will.
Right.
-We're square. -Listen...
We'll be right off.
Cheers! Come on, lads.
MACKENZIE: Hang on a second.
-All right. When I say run, leg it. -No.
-No, no, no, no. -MACKENZIE: Stop!
What if he's the one who phoned my home pretending to be Alvo?
Rick, if we all go in different directions,
he can't get all of us, come on.
-No. -Why the fuck not?
What if he knows where I live?
My wife and kids are there.
Rick, Rick, if you go back...
Oh, you...
Shit.
Hi, mate.
Can I... Can I just explain something, okay?
It's all there. It's all there.
Except...
It is... It is 1 00 euros short.
Because, you see, we were driving and got stopped for speeding.
-1 00 short? -Yeah. Yeah. But don't worry, okay,
because what we're going to do, right, is when we get home,
we're going to send it to you, I mean, I'll wire it,
first thing, straight to you.
I mean, but for all intents and purposes,
we did get it all back for you.
Well, that's just it.
You didn't.
Tell you what...
We'll all have an ice-cream and then we can decide,
what we're going to do about it.